At-Home Plan for Working Parents

We’ve been hearing lately from our clients, many of whom are parents with children at home, that they are working more hours than they did before COVID, and that they are unable to “turn off,” which in turn is causing additional stress and anxiety. It’s become almost cliché to say that “these are challenging times for everyone.” With every passing day, that oft-repeated phrase somehow seems to be putting it more and more mildly. And while everyone is affected, women and their careers have been disproportionately impacted by higher levels of unemployment and other responsibilities like caring for children and elderly parents.

For those of us who are now working from home, our productivity, relationships, and work-life balance are constantly being tested. Just three years ago, according to a 2017 census survey (www.globalworkplaceanalytics.com), a mere 3% of full-time workers said they worked from home during that year. Now, the figure has rocketed to 56%. Many experts had predicted that the work-at-home era would be a positive game-changer. But what may have sounded like an ideal work-life balance scenario—no bosses hovering, no commute, fewer pointless meetings, and co-worker interruptions, $0 in childcare costs—has quickly become an exhausting new status quo. There is often an unspoken expectation for employees to be available all the time. Some companies, we’ve heard, have started using tracking “lights” that show when their co-workers are at their desks.

According to a recent Harvard Business School study, the daily time spent working is now almost an hour longer, the number of meetings has increased by 13%, and workers are sending 50% more emails to colleagues. It’s no wonder that VPN (Virtual Private Network) providers have seen usage spikes from midnight to 3 a.m. since the pandemic began. It’s clear that with nothing else to do and nowhere to go, people feel like there’s no legitimate escape or reason not to be working. Moreover, with the threat of layoffs always lurking, there’s more pressure to perform and outperform. Yeah . . . stress!

We don’t claim to have all the answers, but as women’s leadership coaches, we have some tools for helping women manage and overcome workplace challenges. While COVID presents a host of new issues, with the right plan in place the answers come easier. The first step is to acknowledge that this period is an aberration, and life is going to be different for a while. Brené Brown calls it FFTs (“Effing” First Times): first time homeschooling the kids, first time working from home, first time spending this much time inside, etc. While it’s important to recognize the loss of normal, it’s also critical to have a plan. That plan can include something as simple as adding more humor into your life, taking more time apart (even if it’s in the bathtub), and promising not to use unkind words.

If you count yourself among the stressed-out at-home workers, here are a few Jedi mind tricks to help you with your plan:

Abrupt Emails
With fewer face-to-face interactions, clear communication can suffer. Emails can easily be misinterpreted as rude or pushy or condescending. If you receive one that pushes your buttons:

Take a moment to pause before responding. Let all those negative stress hormones run through your system and THEN, write something you’ll feel good about tomorrow.
Before jumping to conclusions, assume positive intent, and respond by asking for clarification.
Ask yourself if you’d rather be right or happy (seriously, this may be your most important
If email correspondence is not effective – with a particular colleague – maybe a phone call would be a better way to clear up any misunderstandings.

Kids at Home
First, be gentle with yourself and with your kids; everyone is on edge, even kids. This is a crazy time. Once you find a little Zen, here are a few more pro tips:

Make the time to get outside or be physically active with your kids several times a day—throwing the ball or walking around the block. Fresh air and physical activity lifts moods and can shift mental/emotional patterns.
Everyone works better with structure and consistency. Try and find what daily routines are best for your family and stick to them.

Taking Things Personally or Not Feeling Appreciated
Recognize that almost everyone is under more stress than usual right now and that people’s communication skills are probably not at their best. Before you let your thoughts spiral:

Take your ego out of the equation and find the courage to ask questions and communicate as clearly as you can.
Feel the freedom of not having to defend your position. It can feel liberating to say “Wow, great point? Tell me more.”
Reach out to appropriate people for clarification, and listen with genuine curiosity instead of being defensive.
And don’t forget to make sure you make others feel appreciated and heard by listening and noticing their contributions.

Overthinking Things
Sometimes we get stuck in very unproductive thought loops. In order to gain clarity and maintain sanity:

Ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself about this situation? Is there another way I could be telling this story?”
Get out of your pattern by going for a walk, calling a friend, doing a few push-ups, taking a drive in the country—anything that helps your mind let go of its rumination.
Meditation and conscious breathing can really help calm the mind and body—sometimes 3 minutes is all it takes to reset your nervous system.
Journaling is another great way to process what is going on in your busy mind.

Working Too Much
Whatever schedule you find is comfortable and effective for you, it’s important that you set boundaries and communicate them to your family, manager, and co-workers. A few ways to help with this include:

Using a shared calendar to set expectations on when you will and won’t be available.
Planning ahead and anticipating things that might derail your time.
If working at night is a good time for you, then make sure to take time off during the day to get the rest you need.

We are all in this together, and together—with patience and kindness, and yes, hard work—we can all get through it.